Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
