I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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