Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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