your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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