his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
