hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
