Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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