I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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