I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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