Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
