I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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