sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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