She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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