Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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