that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
