is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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