Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
