At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Houston, we have a squirter
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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