the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
