Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
