Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
