youre lurking in front of me
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
