And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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