I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
