Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
