If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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