Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just invented taco cereal.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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