She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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