do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
