I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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