i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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