Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
