He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
