Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
