Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You're like the curious george of whores
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
