I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
