Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
