getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
