I hate all girls vehemently.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
