Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
