your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
