I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
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