Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
