After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
