yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize
