he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
