She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
