The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
