I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
