We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
